TV

Oi.

Its time for mid year appraisal at my company - the smart folks up there have managed to conduct two mid year appraisals this year so far. Given the copious amount of talent they hold inside their pea sized brains, you'd reckon they are not done yet.

Anyway, its also time for me to revisit the goals set by me in the beginning of the year. I am proud to announce that, this year I have managed to fulfill at least one of the goals. I haven't watched television this year so far. Yes, the idiot box is staring at me as I write this.. don't worry boy - you're not getting no air time this year :-)

Image Courtesy - Wiki user Denelson83

Bipasha and Kissing

I read Bipasha Basu's interview on TOI where she's quoted as saying, "I’m totally ok with lovemaking scenes, but I hate kissing". It reminds me of a scene from the Brasilian movie Estômago. In the movie, Nonato, a cook while having sex with a prostitute Iria tries to kiss her. She in turn tells him that that "I don't kiss anyone. I do everything else, but kissing....because it's not ethical"

Its funny to note that at both the places, the characters later end up kissing someone else. Bipasha with Emraan Hashmi and Iria with Nonato's boss Giovanni.

Hypocrite women. Huh.

The President

Five years ago I wrote about how Pratibha Patil's elevation to the presidency was a step towards weakening the nation. Five years later how I stand corrected!

Wikipedia entry on Mrs. Patil has a section on controversies. Here is the entire oeuvre. Some of the gems include spending more than 200 crores on her foreign visits, murder cases against family members, misuse of her position and finally grabbing Army land for her palatial accommodation.

As I write this, another farce is revealing itself and this looks far more worse than freaking Indian Idol!

May be I'll check again in 2017 :-)

Bike and Car

 Exactly my thoughts.

"You see things vacationing on a motorcycle in a way that is completely different from any other. In a car you're always in a compartment, and because you're used to it, you don't realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You're a passive observer, and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame.


On a cycle the frame is gone. You're completely in contact with it all. You're in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming. That concrete whizzing by five inches below your foot is the real thing, the same stuff you walk on. It's right there, so blurred you can't focus on it, yet you can put your foot down and touch it anytime, and the whole thing, the whole experience, is never removed from immediate consciousness."

Source: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Definition from Wikipedia:
When asked at the end of a series of other riddles, whose answers are clever, obscure, and tricky, this answer's obviousness and straight-forwardness becomes part of the humor.

Besides the humour, there is a philosophical touch to this question, as one could argue "Did the chicken really cross the road?" Does the road exist for it? I am sure a chicken would not subconsciously be aware of crossing a 'road'. A man-made contrivance like road makes sense for a human rather than a chicken. It could also raise pertinent questions on the consciousness of an animal. Are chickens self-aware of the actions they perform -like crossing the road? More of that later because I want to write about something else today.

The art behind one-liners
What makes this question and the subsequent answer funny? Edward De Bono in his popular book Lateral Thinking writes:

"...there is often an alternative way of arranging available information. This means that there can be a switch over to another arrangement. Usually this switch over is sudden. If the switch over is temporary it gives rise to humour....the reaction to an insight solution is often laughter even when there is nothing funny about the solution itself.

A policeman was seen walking along the main street pulling a piece of string. Do you know why he was pulling the piece of string?.... Have you ever tried pushing a piece of string?

In this situation an expectation is generated by the way the information is put together. Then suddenly this expectation is thwarted but at once one sees that unexpected development is another way of putting things together."

In other words, it is the unexpected response to a build up that makes one find it humorous. Comedians often use this art on stage, where they weave a story around a joke and the end is something unexpected, a different or innovative solution to the original problem. Something that makes the audience think "Oh, I didn't think he would do/say that!". The realisation of the 'Oh-factor' is what makes the joke funny.

How mind works?
The best way of comprehending this is to understand the way our mind processes information.

Sample this:
"Borrow money from a pessimist
.

.

.

.

.

.

they don't expect it back!"

As you read through the sentence above and finish the first part, the brain identifies a problem it needs to find a solution to. "Why should one borrow money from a pessimist? Why only money? What could/should one possibly borrow from a pessimist? How does a pessimist come into picture here?". The mind races for possible solutions to a jumble of questions like these.

And then, the answer is revealed. Its a twist at the tail! There is a low probability that an average human would guess that answer. Unless of course if you have read it before or you are a genius. As Information Theory goes, the amount of information present in an event is inversely proportional to the probability of its occurrence. For example, if sun rose from the west tomorrow morning, it would make all the newspapers. It is the low probability of the answer that flummoxes the reader with a lot of information. The mind recognises it as a stroke of brilliance, but since it concerns with a trivial matter, the spark is temporary and leads to humour.

Individual perspective to the question - funny!
I will leave you now with some funny answers to one of the most (along with Lightbulb joke) humorous riddles of all time - Why did the chicken cross the road?

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

The Dead Sea Scrolls:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:
To purchase Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the energy it used. There are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and Farmer 1.2 it will run. If it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch ...

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Immanuel Kant:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it ***** wanted to. That's the ****** reason.

Saddam:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.

You can read more funny answers here.

Image Credits: Wikipedia

Indian Football

With the soccer season upon us I recently wrote about the 2010 World Cup on my Hindi blog. After having finished the piece, I experienced a moment of sadness and frustration on our country's soccer prowess (or the lack of it). With the second largest pool of people in the world can't we produce a decent team that does well at least at Asian level (considering most of the top ranking countries are from Europe, Latin America and Africa). All we hear about is India drubbing hapless Nepal, Bhutan, Pakistan, Bangladesh or Sri Lanka, if not getting a whack from them.

India was fourth placed at the Melbourne Olympics in 1956. It was the runners-up at Asian Nations cup in 1964.So what went wrong? Is it that others progressed while we just sat on our bums?


For the 2010 qualifications, India lost in the first round to Lebanon. India's current FIFA ranking is 133 (as of May 1010); its lowest ever ranking was 165 (March 2007) and highest was 94 (Feb 96). Nobody can say for sure what's wrong with the Indian football but the apex body that runs football in this country has to take majority of the blame.

Glory of Indian Football
I am not the one to cry over split milk and don't want to bore you with stories of babudom and bureaucracy crippling Indian Football. Instead, lets look at some of the finer moments of Indian Football.

Mohun Bagan Athletic Club or simply Mohun Bagan AC is one the oldest Football clubs in Asia. It has been chosen among the top 11 clubs, alongside Bayern Munich, River Plate and Manchester United, by FIFA to form an Elite Task Force for club football. Some interesting facts on MB (source Wikipedia):

• MB was the first Indian team to defeat a European team (East Yorkshire Regiment at 1911 IFA Shield).
• When Maradona visited Kolkata in 1998, the only club he visited was Mohun Bagan.
• Pele, one of the legends of the game played against MB for his club New York Cosmos in 1977. The match was drawn 2-2 with Pele scoring in a penalty kick.
• Bayern Munich played a friendly against MB in May 2008 during their Asia tour.
• MB played against and defeated Manchester City 1-0.
• MB are the third club (after Barcelona and Manchester United) in world to have launched a co-branded credit card in their name (ICICI Bank Mohun Bagan Credit Card).
• MB have a postage stamp issued after them to celebrate their 1911 victory (only club to have this honour).

You can read about Mohun Bagan's exploits in detail here.

Royalty free image source: 123rf.com

Made in Bangladesh

With the onset of summer, I realised that I needed a new baseball cap after having left the last one on a bus. So three weeks ago I walked into the Reebok showroom at Jubilee Hills. Now this showroom was quite swanky and glitzy. In fact it happened to be the world's biggest retail outlet, spread over 15,000 square feet.



As usual, a sales guy followed me around the entire 15,000 sq ft of pricey real estate. I zeroed upon a nice and dainty sky-blue cap. After relieving myself of 800 bucks I walked out smugly.

Period.

Yesterday I was fiddling away with the cap, biding my time. I turned it under and found a black strap underneath. It had something written on it. I looked at closely, unconsciously hoping to find the washing instructions. Here is what I found:

Made in Bangladesh.

China is common these days, but Bangladesh? Would I have bought it if I saw it at the showroom? Would you?

Kashmir

Nations fight. Over land, water, oil, women, drugs,crime,women and sometimes ego. India and Pakistan fight over Kashmir. Like kids squabbling over a lollipop. Only this time the kids have missiles and nuclear weapons. They make a lot of hullabaloo. Whenever they meet, they manage to fight; embarrass themselves and others.

One day the Great Himalaya raised its hands and said, "Enough! I gave you this beautiful land of milk and honey,but you fight on it. You shall repent it". Lo and behold! He opened his mouth and swallowed Kashmir.




News was conveyed to the kids who were still locking horns at the UN. Not sure how to react, they ignored it at first. It was only when other nations maintained that K was no more, they retreated and vowed to fight for pride. The carpet had been pulled beneath their feet. What could not be achieved by years of talking, mediation and killings - was actualized in a whiff.

This piece was provoked by a recent news article that a tiny island in the Bay of Bengal, which was claimed by both India and Bangladesh for years was engulfed by sea.

Image Credits : Wikipedia

Just Wondering...

In the past they used to say - "Don't judge a book by its cover". In the current age of E-books, will they say - "Don't judge a book by its CRC"?